Wednesday, March 4, 2009

The Real Dingbats of the OC

Though I try so hard to stay away, sometimes there are things skankier than Lindsey Lohan's leggings that I just can't stop watching... namely the trainwreck that was "The Real Housewives of Orange County." Between Vicki's narcissistic advice giving and Tamra's idea of "morality" (did we see the reunion show, people?!) there is a serious dearth in reality. But my favorite housewife would have to be Lynn--who on her "official" blog noted that while at the reunion show she “ had so much fun .... I got to meet the other housewives on the show and take pictures with them." Wow, Lynne, that was a good time! You got to take pictures with them? Was this the first time they invited you to a press release? Never before were you photographed with your bitch whores?

And as far as her having “fun” at that reunion show—maybe she didn’t watch…maybe she wasn’t “there.” Does she not remember the part where she cried on camera because everyone was being so “hurtful”?! (To which Vicki replied, 1. She NEVER said anything mean about Lynne—Andy Cohen about crapped himself at that, and 2. Reassured the viewing audience that she TOO cried at times). This scene was quickly followed by Tamra’s rant about how Gretchen is a gold-digging whore bag—ah, yes, Lynne, that does sound like a good time! Ah, but Lynne’s not completely stupid, in true snob fashion she is now selling those fabulous cuffs we got to watch her hot glue together on the show on her website for $250+ each! I’m sure each will be laced with Lynne’s drool as she bites on her tongue squinting her eyes trying to get that hideous Claire’s Boutique broach on perfectly centered…

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

What fun! GOOP for everyone.

I seem to be suffering from some sort of illness. Hopefully it is not the pox. My personal physician has already done some blood letting in hopes of staving off death. One must be so careful! One minute you are sneezing, the next you are being thrown into the catacombs of Paris. While reclining on my chaise recovering, I came across this interesting website. It appears to be some sort of guide on how to become the penultimate snob. I love it! It was created by one of the original purveyors all things snobby, Gwyneth Paltrow. Yes the woman who dated Brad Pitt, named her child after a piece of fruit, and eats a macrobiotic diet. All these achievement's point to her ability to out snob the best of them. Enjoy exploring all the ways you can....make, go, be, see, get, and do! Just remember you will not be able to do any of it as well as Mrs. Coldplay. Okay...I am off to soak in a tub of fresh cows milk. One must keep up appearances when one is under the weather.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Oh Martha....

This little gem was the inspiration for the Snob Blog. It really is quite a lovely example of how to be a snob. Step 1: Discuss former personal chef. Oh the horror's of our economic times. What does one do without a chef? Which brings us to Step 2: Make your housekeeper cook instead. Step 3: Pretend that eating jellied pigs feet is a "casual" ocurrence. Every snob knows that to truly seperate yourself from that rabble one must eat things that no one else in their right mind would consume unless you are trapped on a desert island. Step 4: Mention how fresh and healthy you are. Only a true snob finds the need to remind everyone how much better they are at living and breathing then the rest of the population. Step 4: Refer to a lunch that took about six hours to make as "casual". We are just beginning to learn the ways to snobhood. Martha still has much to teach us.

Welcome! This is the beginning of....

Our Snob Blog. A way to keep track of all the ways to be snobby. We are going to post stuff that we find particularly snobby. Anything and everything. Whatever tickles us pink. We enjoy the elitist world and it's ability to make everyone else feel small, insignificant, and unwelcome. Of course you must do all of this with a smile on your face and never let the other party actually have any proof of your disdain. Enjoy!